Specializing in…
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)
Trauma / Complex Trauma / PTSD / CPTSD
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
Relationships/ Couples Counseling
Anxiety
Grief
Integrating the Christian Faith in Your Healing Journey
Read more about my EMDR qualifications at my About page!
How I approach trauma work
Life is hard, and nearly everyone is affected by trauma in some way during their lifetime.
Trauma is a response that happens when something, or multiple things, exceed the resources you have to cope. It could include things that happened that should not have, or things that should have happened, but didn’t. Trauma can result from a single stressful experience or from multiple stressful experiences over a long period of time.
When someone experiences multiple stressful experiences over a long period of time that chronically exceeds their available resources to cope, this can lead to complex trauma. One example of complex trauma is when healthy attachment to parents is disrupted in childhood due chronic parental absence (physical or emotional) or parents are abusive. If un-resolved, these attachment wounds can go on to create a foundation for additional traumas to layer throughout life.
Trauma survival responses may include feelings of shame, anxiety, mood disruption, sleep disruption, isolation or avoidance of people or places or situations, impulsivity, irritability, aggressiveness, relationship problems, feelings of un-safety in your relationships, in the world around you, and even within yourself.
We have to FEEL before we can DEAL (with the "stuff”)…
…but we also have to FEEL SAFE before we can safely feel anything else!
I can help you learn to regulate your nervous system by applying concepts from…
Interpersonal Neurobiology (INPB), which considers how the brain and mind develop in the context of relationships and interactions with other minds
Polyvagal Theory (PVT), which considers the ways a person’s autonomic nervous system operates when the drive to survive competes with the longing to connect.
When your nervous system feels safe, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) can be used effectively for resolving trauma.
What does it mean to be an adult child of Emotionally Immature Parents?
What are “Emotionally Immature Parents?”
Emotionally Immature Parents (EIPs) are unwilling or unable to regulate their emotions and communicate constructively. They lack self-awareness and empathy. They are self-focused and can either be emotionally volatile and unpredictable or disengaged and physically and/or emotionally absent and emotionally neglectful. They are unwilling to self-reflect or consider their impact on their children.
There are four general types of EIPs
Emotional Parents- driven by chaotic and unpredictable emotions, they require their children to take care their emotions and shame their children for having their own emotional needs. They may try to deflect from any attention on their shortcomings or failures —”I guess I’m just the WORST mother in the world!”
Driven Parents- highly controlling or critical, they value performance or achievement over emotional connection, expecting their children to meet THEIR goals and interests without regard to their children’s own interests.
Passive Parents- avoidant and passive, they may even allow abuse of their child by “looking the other way” to avoid having to deal with it.
Rejecting Parents- want to be left alone. They “rule the roost” and everything revolves around them, leaving the rest of the family instinctively trying not to upset them.
I can help you resolve the trauma from Emotionally Immature Parenting so that you can freely enjoy your relationships and establish a different legacy.
Adult children of Emotionally Immature Parents (EIPs)…
struggle with feelings of shame and loneliness
believe that their emotional needs do not matter, so they neglect their own needs and prioritize everyone else’s needs
suffer with low self-esteem and emotional insecurity
have trouble creating healthy adult relationships of their own
often develop attachment wounds and complex trauma.
If the trauma is not repaired, may become an EIP yourself and continue the cycle
My couples counseling services can help you…
Learn how to be on the SAME SIDE!
Communicate in ways that honor one another / your relationship
Resolve conflicts constructively
Repair past hurts
Address present hurts promptly and effectively
Experience a greater sense of intimacy
The longer a couple stays stuck in negative relational patterns, the more damage they cause for one another and their relationship, and the harder it becomes to correct the problems and repair the relationship.
It’s never “too soon” to seek couples counseling to help your relationship!
As a certified PREPARE/ENRICH facilitator, I am trained and experienced in applying this robust resource in our couples work!
The PREPARE/ENRICH program has been the #1 pre-marital and marriage assessment for over 40 years and continues to be one of the most researched assessment tools with over 1200 published articles supporting its validity and reliability.
Pre-Marital Counseling
I can help equip you with solid pre-marital preparation to help you establish healthy relationship skills BEFORE you develop negative patterns and habits in your marriage!
Marriages in our culture are demonstrating a high frequency of divorce, and only a portion of those marriages that do not end in divorce are healthy and rewarding relationships. With such a high statistical rate of divorces and unhealthy marriages, there is also an increased chance that engaged partners have divorced parents or have never witnessed a healthy marriage. They may have no idea what a healthy marital relationship is and may repeat unhealthy relationship patterns in their own marriage.
Pre-marital counseling can be invaluable to starting a life-long relationship on a healthy foundation!
I offer a pre-marital counseling "package" of six sessions for a total reduced cost!
How I Approach Anxiety Work
When your autonomic nervous system interprets danger, it becomes activated into FIGHT (move toward), FLIGHT (move away from), FAWN (people pleasing), or FREEZE (immobilization).
Your nervous system is simply doing what it is designed to do in the face of perceived danger. And this is a good thing—when you NEED this response to get to safety.
…but what if your nervous system is responding as if you are in danger when you’re NOT?
This is what we call “ANXIETY”
Most people spend far more time in fight/flight/freeze states than they spend in feelings of safety in the present moment. This is called “sympathetic arousal” in your nervous system.
And this takes a major toll on your physical and emotional self.
Chronic sympathetic arousal taxes your emotional and physical self and increases your risk of developing of both acute and chronic illness.
I can help you…
gain a better understanding or how your autonomic nervous system works
understand what sends YOUR nervous system into fight/flight/fawn/freeze responses and what brings it into a sense of safety
learn how to regulate your emotional and physiological responses to reduce toxic stress and relieve unnecessary burden on your physical and emotional self
I am also experienced in applying EMDR to help resolve anxiety
How I Approach Grief Work
Grief is the process of figuring out how to cope with loss. Most often, we think of grief as something that follows the death of a loved one, but we can also experience grief when we lose a relationship, go through a divorce, move to a new home or community, lose a job, face the end of a career, or experience any type of life or role change.
We can also grieve the loss of "what never was" or "what never will be."
Grief is a normal reaction to loss, and a necessary process for healing. Grief is often accompanied by
an acute time of intense feelings of yearning and sadness
thoughts and images of a lost loved one
feelings of disbelief or shock
loss of interest in things you used to enjoy
feeling disconnected from others.
There is no specific timeline or “normal” way to grieve; it is different for everyone. Most people progress through grief and begin to adapt to their loss within about a year.
If after 12 months have passed and you still find yourself…
stuck in rumination
chronically avoiding things that remind your of their lost loved one
isolating from others while remaining preoccupied with your lost loved one
feeling that your happiness is solely dependent on the one who was lost
…we call this “complicated” or “prolonged” grief.
Grief can become “complicated” or “prolonged” when a person has been unable to begin to adapt to their loss after about a year
Some things I will help you work through as a part of grief counseling:
expressing your emotions, which can be complicated and confusing, and could include
Shock
Denial
Anger
Helplessness
Regret
Sorrow
Guilt
developing and utilizing effective coping approaches
growing into an acceptance of the loss and adjustment to a “new normal”
figuring out how to maintain a healthy connection to your lost loved one
finding or rediscovering a sense of purpose
redefining your identify
I have experience with applying EMDR to resolve trauma that may be interfering with the normal, healthy grieving process
Integrating the Christian Faith in Your Healing Journey
for those who desire this approach
Above all else, I recognize that God is the source of healing and is always in the process of making all things new!
While my faith informs and influences my identity and my commitment to holistically care well for you, please be assured that my work as a counselor is not to proselytize or convert you.
Although I specialize in integrating the Christian faith into the counseling experience for those who desire this approach, I have over 24 years of experience working successfully with people from a variety of walks of life. Regardless of worldview or belief system, my commitment is to meet wherever you are on your own journey and to care well for you!
Discover something new in YOUR life!
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Discover something new in YOUR life! —